Another high-profile marriage struck by infidelity . . . Governor Mark Sanford – conservative, bible-thumping, Southern, Republican – admitted this week to cheating on his wife with an Argentinian woman. It began innocently enough with emails, etc., and then escalated into so much more. That’s what happens.
I love, though, that, for once, his wife wasn’t standing beside him. It seems that his political career wasn’t as important to her as holding onto her own moral compass was.
“We reached a point where I felt it was important to look my sons in the eyes and maintain my dignity, self-respect, and my basic sense of right and wrong,” Jenny Sanford stated.
Good for her. Basic sense of right and wrong.
I like that.
I received an interesting response to an email that I had sent a man on Match today. He responded that he’s been divorced for 4 years, knows where’s he’s going now, and isn’t going to get involved with someone who is newly divorced.
I thanked him for his candor.
So now I’m wondering – is it too soon? Or is it just that since I’m not looking to get involved with someone – just trying to get back out into the world – I’m just not a good fit for some men?
Interesting to ponder.
My brother has a philosophy about buying lottery tickets. He buys his every week, but he doesn’t check it until the next week. That way, when he loses, he can tell himself that the winner may be in his pocket.
That’s the same as emailing a man a day on JDate. If this one doesn’t respond, there could always be a winner in my pocket . . .
So emailing one JDate man a day isn’t as easy as I thought it was. Obviously, it’s easy to find men – doing a basic search for a man within an 11-year age range within 40 miles of my home turns up 166 names. And that’s kind of a narrow window; obviously, if I expanded my search range I’ll expand my options.
That’s not the problem.
The problem is that JDate just doesn’t give me anything to go on. Frankly, I find the Relationship questions useless.
Hi. I see you’re looking for someone with whom to go to the movies. I like movies . . . want to go out?
Why, hello – I see you’re looking for a long term relationship. Well, so am I!
Greetings. I see that your perfect first date would be to chat over a cup of coffee. Well, what a coincidence – so is mine!
And the Basics – the About me section isn’t much more help. Usually there’s just not enough there to help me out with a sensible email. Unless someone’s mentioned a common interest or occupation, it’s a struggle to find a good intro.
I wish that JDate had some icebreaker type of questions similar to OKCupid or Match. Even trivial stuff like favorite movies, books or foods – it would give me a little more material.
The problem is that, when I send an email, I like for it to reflect why I’m interested in emailing HIM. If they want to read about me, they can go to my profile. I know that when I receive an email from someone on an online site I like to know why they chose to email me.
Just my two cents’ worth.
So far I’ve emailed four JDate men and one responded. Two haven’t opened the emails, which could mean that they (a) have lives and don’t log into JDate every day, (b) don’t pay so they can’t read their emails or (c) they figured out that I sent the emails and they’re not interested in me – no, I’m NOT paranoid.
One of them is also on Match.com, so I thought about finding him there and emailing him through Match – maybe he’s a paying member on that site.
I also happened (I swear I’m not stalking, I swear) to see him on the membership roster of a meetup.com group that I’m in. He used both his first and last names on meetup, so now I know his name (and, wouldn’t you know it, his first name is the same as Mr. Ex’s – how awkward). I also know where he lives from JDate and Match, and I know what kinds of things he’s interested in. Hm. It wouldn’t be hard to find someone, if you wanted to.
Okay, so now I’m channeling my inner Mary Higgins Clark. You know – the mystery writer. I see the ignored online dater stalking her prey… finding out his address… seeking him out at the local theater group in which he’s interested.
cut to dark hallway scene… She stands over the bleeding man. The faint light from the laptop shines in the background… Holding the dripping knife, she says…
“You… should…. have… responded…
More thoughts about online dating (I’m sorry – do I look obsessed?) . . .
I’ve decided that the only way to be successful – or, at least, to stay sane while doing it – is to not take it personally. Seriously. I mean, how personal can it be if someone doesn’t email you back based on 667 words that you write about yourself (no, I didn’t count them; I copied them in MS Word, and Word counted them)? What exactly are they rejecting? And could it be any more superficial? Match tells you to put down your favorite color. OMG – what if my perfect match rejects me because I love purple?
And how limiting are the things that you put down? For instance, let’s say I put down that I’m looking for a man who’s 48 – 63. Well, what if Mr. Perfect turned 64 last month? Will he look at that and think to himself, well, just forget it – I’m too old for her?
And now, for another question. Is it a problem for me to be making the first contact? Are men my age old-fashioned and think they have to be the ones to initiate? If that’s the case, I might as well hang it up here.
The pressure. How do you craft the perfect online profile to attract the interest of the perfect man?
Well, I just couldn’t be more excited. I received an email today from JDate’s Manager of Public and Community Relations. Apparently she read my blog (well, I did use “JDate” as a keyword, so I imagine it comes up in some kind of blog searchy-thing that they use) and I guess she wasn’t real excited about my assessment (y’know – remember… I used the word “suck”).
Anyway – she offered to make me a featured member (does this make me look desperate? I ask), and to set me up for a personal consultation with one of their customer service reps for tips on crafting the best profile eva.
I’m totally taking her up on her offer. And I’m so psyched that somebody reads my blog who isn’t related to me or works with me or loves me anyway.
And, I do have to say, I’m pretty impressed with their community relations efforts.
Okay – I’ve emailed my second JDate challenge email.
I figured out what the problem is with JDate, as opposed to the other million online dating services there are. The profiles don’t say anything. Unlike OKCupid, where you have something to respond to; or Match, where at least you can look at what someone’s favorite food or books are. JDate is the online equivalent to seeing someone in a bar and deciding that you’d like to talk to them, based on extremely superficial qualities.
I hope I make it a month.