Rate the Date: click all that apply

So it’s Friday night and I’m lying in bed, Killian the black lab at my feet while I peruse JDate. I haven’t decided to take the leap into a paid membership, so I can’t read the messages that I’ve received. That’s probably my way of dealing with not really being ready to take the plunge into dating. After all, I haven’t lost the, oh, I don’t know – 40, 50, 60 pounds yet, gotten the gap between my teeth fixed and developed a love for exercising and the great outdoors (why do so many of these guys expect women in their 50′s to be physically active? Really? Have they met many women my age?).

I think I really go to the site just to assure myself that there are men my age who still have their hair and teeth.

It’s kind of like browsing any other collection-type website, like All Recipes. Now, that’s a great website. Say you’re looking for a chicken recipe. You just to to All Recipes, and voila! you can browse through thousands of chicken recipes. But the part I like best is the reviews section. Especially the ones that go, “I really loved this recipe. I just substituted chicken breasts for the thighs, green pepper instead of chilis, oregano for the cilantro (DH HATES cilantro), and I cooked it in the crock pot instead of on the grill.”

The other day my daughters and I were discussing JDate and we decided that that’s what JDate needs – a review section. You know, like All Recipes, Zappos or Amazon.

It could go like this:

Did you date this man? Please take a moment to fill out our review section…

1. He was (a) taller than described (b) shorter than described (c) I couldn’t really tell unless he removed the lifts

2. He was (a) thinner than described (yeah, right), (b) heavier than described, (c) so fat that the circus was calling

Pros: click all that apply:

[  ] Had all his own teeth   [   ] Had all his own hair  [   ] Used good grammar

Cons: click all that apply:

[  ] Lives with mom   [  ] let me pay for dinner   [  ] reminded me of my ex-husband

[  ] Yes, I would set him up with a friend  [  ] I wouldn’t set him up with my worst enemy

Then you could have dater reviews, like:

Wow! This was a real winner. He was fifteen minutes late for the date, didn’t open the car door for me, and stuck me with the check. He never finished college (unlike what was in the description), and the conversation centered around his weekend gaming addiction. Run, run, run – I give him 1 star (he got one because we both loved the movie “Bridges Of Madison County”).

or

5 stars. I would give Mr. Smith a 10 if I could. This was the best date I’ve been on in years. He was funny, smart, well-dressed and knew exactly what to order. We talked for hours – that man knew so much about movies, books and theater.

**** important notice**** Mr. Smith has withdrawn his “looking for women” status. He can now be found in “looking for men.”

Then, of course, after you do reviews you can have the recommendations part. Like, “Did you date Mr. Black? Then, try…”   Women who dated this man also dated…

So, don’t you think a reviews section would be a great addition to a dating site? Amazing what it would do for truth in advertising. What reviews would you post?

Go ahead, fire me…

At our dinner the other night, we talked about what we would be looking for in another relationship. Now, I had more pre-marriage relationships than he did, and several of them were pretty serious, given my age at the time. And since he dropped the “D bomb,” I have thought a lot about what kind of man I could see myself with.

I said that I would like someone who shares my interest in the world and in politics, and who I would find intellectually stimulating.

“You didn’t find me intellectually stimulating?” He asked.

Talk about a cathartic experience. You know how, when you’re leaving a job and you have that one last exit intereview, you can pretty much say whatever you want without fear of recrimination?

What was he going to do if he didn’t like my answer? Leave me?

“Nope,” I answered.

Divorce is funny

No, really.

I think divorce can be funny. Then again, I always manage to find some humor in anything. Even funerals. Even splitting up after 30 years of marriage.

Take sex. When he left, I worried that maybe the last time he and I had sex would be the last time for me. Oh no! If I had only known that it would be the last time, I would have paid closer attention. I might have taken notes. Imagine that – my husband of 30 years is leaving, and all I’m worried about is that I might forget what sex was like. And, frankly, lots of times when we were having sex, it wasn’t like it was so memorable anyway…

Then last week I had to go for a uterine ultrasound (now, that is not really funny). When the technician gave me the wand-thingie to put, well, up me… my first instinct was to say, “Listen, my husband moved out almost two months ago; could you put some batteries in that thing?” I didn’t think she’d get it, though (English was definitely not her first language).