Together/Not together

There are the big family occasions: birthdays, holidays, life cycle events. Those, I imagine, will require both of us in attendance. I want to be mature and a grown up and be able to share those events with our children, and even with each other. I mean, we MADE those children, and we should both be there to enjoy their accomplishments.

But what about the “little” family things?

Older daughter – now a wife and homeowner – planned an apple picking date this Sunday. Off to the orchard, then back to the house for apple pie making and dinner. Dad was, well, put out when she told him that she didn’t think it would be a good idea for him to attend. “Mom won’t be comfortable,” she told him.

He was surprised.

“But I thought we were going to try to continue to do family things together,” he remarked.

Well, maybe some day.

But not now.

I mean, he’s the one who wanted to be divorced…not me. And this is being divorced is; sometimes you don’t get to be part of it all.

I thought this was what he wanted.

And then there’s Rosh Hashanah this Monday and Tuesday.

One day – in the future – I sincerely hope that we can be together for the holidays.

But not this year.

The pain is too raw, and too new. It has only been two weeks since he dropped the bomb. And I can’t face him at a family event right now. In private, or in the therapist’s office, yes, but not at a family event. For 27 years we have been a family of at least three, and the pain of facing being “not together” is too fresh.

I’m sorry. Not now.

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