Monthly Archives: March 2009

Boo eHarmony

So eHarmony is advertising that you can join for free for a few days. I go to the website and create an account and then complete the longest survey about likes, dislikes, etc.

I get to the end… and it tells me that my marital status is still married.

Yeah?

I know – isn’t that what separated means?

Well?

And then, it pretty much is done with me.

Oh well. But why couldn’t it have told me that before I sat and completed the survey?

Oy.

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Filed under Dating

Know what I miss?

I miss restaurant-seeking. We ate out a lot as a couple and it was always an issue of “what can he eat?” As a vegetarian, it wasn’t easy for Mr. Ex to go into just any ol’ restaurant – no steak joints for him. So whenever we were going to the theater or traveling, I would spend some time searching out dining spots.

I miss it. I miss reading the menus and deciding if it was a good choice.

okay – moving on…

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Filed under Creating a new life, Transition

Read this…

Nancy Goodman is a counselor/coach in Idaho (yes, that Idaho) and a former student of mine (yikes!).

She writes a wonderful blog about the elusive quest for happiness, Fumbling Towards Serenity.

Her recent blog post about combating self-talk was just wonderful. It really hit home for me – it’s so easy to drown yourself in feelings of unworthiness when facing divorce.

Thanks, Nancy!

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More advice to men on online dating profiles

Ethnicity (from Encarta® World English Dictionary)
eth·nic·i·ty (noun)
ethnic affiliation or distinctiveness

Tip for men who are completing those online dating profiles…

The proper response to “ethnicity” would NOT BE:

I believe that people should treat others as they wish to be treated. I believe in the golden rule.

Not kidding here, folks. I’m thinking that somebody confused “ethnic” with “ethic.”

Another one:

Ethnicity: Native American

Now, I’m not psychic, and I guess that this gentleman could be “native American,” but I was on Jdate, and the likelihood of finding “Geronimo Schwartz” is slim.

Just sayin’

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To be 16 again…

I’ve found the fountain of youth.

Seriously.

Wanna feel like an adolescent again?

Have your husband of 30 years leave you.

No kidding.

It puts you right back to being a high school junior and your boyfriend broke up with you the week before prom.

The angst, the agony, the blow to your self esteem.

I know what I’m talking about; I spend a lot of time with junior high kids. I see them sobbing in the hall after breaking up with the boyfriend, the whispered consults in the lunchroom, the evil-eye glances across the computer lab.

Yup. I swear, I’m no different. If I know that we’re going to be in the same place, I pay more attention to my appearance. It’s not that I want him to look at me and think, “Wow! She looks great! Forget the divorce!”

I just want him to eat his heart out. Just like my 8th graders would want.

I get the same lift from hearing my half-deaf, half-blind mother tell him that he’s fat that my 13 year-old students would get.

Yesterday I spent some time with my daughter’s friend, who’s living on his own after just graduating from college. As I shared “cooking for one” tips with him like keeping the pot of coffee for three days and nuking as needed (really – it’s fine. Just use a little more flavored creamer), I realized that we had much in common; he lives on his own, doesn’t have a partner, is trying to figure out what his life is going to look like in the next year.

Me too.

Of course, I’ve got the wisdom of being much older and having lived through a lot more. What I’d like, though, is the excitement of starting anew; the feeling that the future is brimming with possibilities and that I can do anything as long as I want it badly enough.

Hopefully that’s around the bend.

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Filed under Moving on, Optimism, Singleness, Transition

“Spiritual but not religious…”

What does that mean?

I’m doing what’s one of my favorite Saturday-morning activities; perusing JDate and Match…

Or, as I like to think of them, online mantalog shopping…

I haven’t “bought” yet, although I did “wink” at someone today. Weird.

Anyway, on Match, instead of posting a religion you can say you’re “spiritual but not religious.”

Any idea how many men list that? What does that mean? That they meditate? Talk to God but not in a church or synagogue? Hang with the Dalai Lama?

Gotta be honest – I have just not met that many people who are spiritual outside of being religious. Perhaps I’m spending time in the wrong places. Obviously they’re not in synagogue if they’re not religious, I suppose.

Am I interested in someone who’s SBNR? Is that okay? Do I date someone who is? When I was younger (ahem, much younger), I wouldn’t consider dating someone who wasn’t Jewish because I knew that I wasn’t interested in marrying someone who wasn’t Jewish. But is that the case now? I mean, it’s not like I’m worried about having Jewish kdis (been there, done that). But how important are holidays, shared backgrounds, common history? Even at my age?

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Belongs in a (really large) fortune cookie…

A fortune cookie
Image via Wikipedia

Evolved individuals know that people who are not intuitive can be dangerous to work with, since they are guided solely by the appearance of things that are, in reality, changing. Evolved individuals seek out others who have intuition and vision – a form of intelligence that comes from cultivating the instincts, observing the direction of change, apprehending the evolution of ideas ~ Lao Tzu

Okay, not really a fortune, but I really like this.

What does it have to do with divorce? Or making a new life as a single, middle-aged person? I’m focusing on the part about cultivating one’s instincts, observing the direction of change and apprehending the evolution of ideas. I think that, as an unhappy married person, I was all about ignoring my instincts, since that’s what allowed me to stay in a mediocre marriage in the first place. As for observing the direction of change – I think that right now my life is all about change, and resisting it doesn’t make sense, so you have to take this time to let the change in life kind of take over and be open to the new ideas – new paths – that will appear.

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