Happy birthday

So…what do you do when it’s the ex’s birthday? Or, in my case, the STBXH’s birthday? Ignore it? Decide that celebrating his birthday is kind of like celebrating Pearl Harbor Day?

In my case I decided to send him a card. Take the high road, as it were. That was the problem.

I went to Target and headed right over to the bday cards. You know how they have those little signs at the top? For him… okay. Husband… nope. Son… nope. Friend… um, not really.KristinDavisBIG_468x698

I looked for the sign that said “Former spouses,” but I couldn’t find one. And there was certainly no sign that read, “People you don’t really want to talk to so a card would be better.”

I settled for the generic, impersonal kinds of cards you would give a co-worker (although, truth-be-told, I’m way fonder of them than I am him) or neighbor.

Then there’s the problem with the sentiment. Where’s the one that quotes Charlotte in the Sex and the City movie? Where she says to Big that she curses the day he was born? That would work.

It took me way longer to find a card this year than it ever did in the past. In the past I was always able to go with the jokey kind of cards that talked about getting lucky, not asking for directions or not finishing projects in the house (how prophetic!). Or the (ick) mushy kinds about being the light of my life, the greatest guy ever born or my bestest friend.

But for an ex? Not easy, gang.

Even the really generic ones were tough; “wishing a great person a great day,” “you deserve a wonderful year,” “make it a great celebration – you deserve it!”

The problem was that, even if I could bring myself to purchase one of those, I didn’t want it to come over as disingenuous (even though we ALL know it kind of is).

I needed one that said…

It’s your birthday and I didn’t want to let it go without notice and I can’t exactly curse the day you were born because then I wouldn’t have my wonderful children who really can’t stand you right now so I love them even more so happy birthday.

Maybe I’ll get out my calligraphy pen.

I thought about the cute little cards with pups but cute didn’t seem to do the trick here. I even thought about the ones for kids with a car on them, but that didn’t seem to work either.

What would you write to the ex? Maybe I’ll start a business making cards for times like this.

Cards that would say…

Have a great year – can’t wait to see who you’ll screw this one!

It’s your birthday – do something for you (hey! that’s your greatest skill, anyway!)

Or generic ones that say nothing like…

Happy birthday to a person

Happy birthday to my children’s father

Anyway, I still needed a card. Finally I tripped over the 99 cent section. Good start. These were pretty generic, because I guess it really sucks to pay 99 cents for a card that says “All my love to the greatest person who ever lived – isn’t it terrific that I didn’t even have to spend a buck to say that?”

I settled for one of those really plain ones with a flower drawing or something like that on the front. The sentiment was equally bland. In fact, it was so bland that I can’t even remember what it said. I’m pretty sure it was something like “have a great day.” Meh, whatever.

Now, for the signature. I kind of figured that I had to do more than just sign it. Here’s where I got to be completely honest:

No matter what happens, I will be grateful that our union produced my wonderful children.

’nuff said.

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3 Comments

Filed under Redefining your relationship

3 responses to “Happy birthday

  1. Kaye

    So true! There needs to be a section for greeting cards with ambiguous messages. “Happy Birthday – I don’t really want it to be that happy but hey, I’m a forgiving person – so I don’t want it to be miserable either, and I’m a creature of habit so I can’t just let the day pass without some sort of acknowledgement. So here’s a card.”

    I did send my ex a birthday card – very generic and non-committal – only to have him ask that I not do that again because his current wife felt “threatened.” Okay, let’s see . . I divorced HIM. I don’t want him back. But I won’t send any more cards.

  2. Debbie Harris

    Kaye – LOL…

  3. juicyjews

    I would totally buy the cards that said things like “Happy Birthday to a Person”.

    How about:
    “It is your birthday.” (Compliments of Dwight from The Office)
    “I hope today is more special than the rest of your days…I hear the bar’s not set very high.”
    “Don’t make today suck, you have the rest of the year to do that!”

    And my favorite I was able to produce:
    “Today is really just another day for everyone but you.”

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