Monthly Archives: June 2009

More on moving or no moving . . .

I’ve spent a lot of time the past few days thinking about whether or not I want to put my house up for sale (and, well, I obviously haven’t been spending it blogging).

I have two really good reasons for wanting to move. The first is that I’d like to live closer to Eldest. I only live about 15-20 minutes away now, which certainly isn’t insurmountable, but I would like to live closer. That would also put me significantly closer to the synagogue, which would make a difference as well. The other reason is that I could probably save some money every month if I sell the house and buy something a little smaller and, hopefully, less expensive. And, of course, now is a good time to find a bargain.

There are quite a few downsides to selling right now, though. The first is that the current value of the home isn’t much more than what I owe. So in order to buy something else I would have to take money from my modest inheritance to buy something else. And that’s assuming that I can sell at all, of course. But before I could even sell the house there are numerous problems that need to be addressed. Mr. Ex has been promising me for years and years that he would fix the damage to the two ceilings from when our roof leaked and finish the floor and door molding that he never finished. And somewhere there’s a leak over Youngest’s bedroom. I don’t think it’s the roof, but I’m guessing that there’s a good chance that it’s from the attic fan that doesn’t work right now. Besides the necessary repairs, there’s the issue of the packed (and I mean packed) shed and the stuff that’s still filling up the garage.

And, my guess is that, if I am able to sell the house, I would end up buying another home and moving during the school year, which leaves me pretty cold.

And then there’s the stress. The stress of getting the house ready and keeping it in showing condition (and don’t forget I’ve got those dogs – how are they going to feel about having to keep the house clean?).

So, if I’m not going to sell, I have to like living here more. I can’t change where the house is, but I have to change the house. This house isn’t going to do anything to make me like it more, so I need to do it for both of us. Areas I need to address:

  • The repairs have to be made, whether I’m selling the house or not
  • I need to feel nurtured in the house
  • I need to be able to think “moving forward” when I’m in the house, not of what was

Plans I have:

  • Paint everywhere and take down the wallpaper in the front entry
  • get rid of the old Ikea chairs in the living room
  • get new drapes for the living room
  • take down the Ikea shelf in the living room
  • relocate the items in the filing cabinet in the kitchen and get rid of the cabinet
  • paint the table and chairs that are in the dining room
  • paint move the cabinet from the craft room to under the TV
  • new window treatments in the dining/family room
  • get rid of the medicine cabinet in the downstairs bath and replace it with a mirror; get rid of the large cabinet that’s in the bathroom. Do something with the shower to pretty it up. Paint or replace the utility closet doors
  • replace the family room couch with something friendlier
  • clean out the office
  • redo the upstairs bath to Paris apartment
  • new drapes for my bedroom

Possibilities, depending on how much I want to spend, are:

  • raise the ceiling over the living room, breakfast room and kitchen
  • add a sunroom



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Filed under Creating a new life, Moving on, Singleness

What is it about these affairs?

Another high-profile marriage struck by infidelity . . . Governor Mark Sanford – conservative, bible-thumping, Southern, Republican – admitted this week to cheating on his wife with an Argentinian woman. It began innocently enough with emails, etc., and then escalated into so much more. That’s what happens.

I love, though, that, for once, his wife wasn’t standing beside him. It seems that his political career wasn’t as important to her as holding onto her own moral compass was.

“We reached a point where I felt it was important to look my sons in the eyes and maintain my dignity, self-respect, and my basic sense of right and wrong,” Jenny Sanford stated.

Good for her. Basic sense of right and wrong.

I like that.

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Filed under Evaluating a marriage

Should I stay or should I go?

When Mr. Ex moved out I chose not to put the house on the market. Well, I chose not to, but I didn’t really have a choice. It was September, which, as a teacher, would have been torture. I can’t even imagine getting ready to sell a house at the beginning of the school year. My younger daughter had just started a new job which was literally a five-minute drive, and there was the little matter of a totally tanked economy with which to deal.

The other issue – not a small one, either – was the myriad projects to which Mr. Ex had committed. At the time I didn’t have a bedroom floor (seriously; I had pulled up the nasty carpet in preparation for Mr. Ex to put down a laminate floor, and it had been several weeks), several rooms don’t have floor molding (carpet came up, laminate went down), several ceilings have damage from when our roof leaked, and there are a couple doors that don’t have molding around them (we replaced all our doors with oak two years ago but Mr. Ex hadn’t put up all the molding). The garage and garden shed were also packed full – full – full.

So I say that I chose not to put the house up for sale, but I didn’t really have a choice. Mr. Ex likes to say that it was my choice, but I disagree.

Anyway, the decision has reared its ugly head once again. It’s summer, so I’m off, Ms. Youngest is leaving for Israel in 10 days (oh my) and the economy isn’t quite in the toilet any more.

So . . . do I stay or do I go?

I would love to sell the house and buy something a little smaller closer to Ms. Eldest and her husband. It wouldn’t be any further from work than I am now, I’d be much closer to the highway (not as big of a deal since my mother has passed, but nice nonetheless), I could be saving money over what I’m paying now, and a fresh start would be nice.

On the other hand, it would be a pain. All those projects Mr. Ex promised . . . not exactly done. Not hardly. I still have the damaged ceilings, the garage still has a lot of crap in it, the shed is still full, and the molding is still missing from one room. The economy hasn’t bounced back to the point where I would actually make any money from selling the house and I would be lucky to break even (which would mean that I would have to use my modest inheritance from my mother in order to purchase anything new).

If I stay I would have to continue to streamline, purge, and make changes to make the house “mine.”

So . . . do I stay or do I go?


Filed under Creating a new life, Haven for one, Moving on, Transition

Too soon?

I received an interesting response to an email that I had sent a man on Match today. He responded that he’s been divorced for 4 years, knows where’s he’s going now, and isn’t going to get involved with someone who is newly divorced.

I thanked him for his candor.

So now I’m wondering – is it too soon? Or is it just that since I’m not looking to get involved with someone – just trying to get back out into the world – I’m just not a good fit for some men?

Interesting to ponder.

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Filed under Creating a new life, Dating

And one in your pocket . . .

My brother has a philosophy about buying lottery tickets. He buys his every week, but he doesn’t check it until the next week. That way, when he loses, he can tell himself that the winner may be in his pocket.

That’s the same as emailing a man a day on JDate. If this one doesn’t respond, there could always be a winner in my pocket . . .

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Filed under Online dating

The quest continues . . .

So emailing one JDate man a day isn’t as easy as I thought it was. Obviously, it’s easy to find men – doing a basic search for a man within an 11-year age range within 40 miles of my home turns up 166 names. And that’s kind of a narrow window; obviously, if I expanded my search range I’ll expand my options.

That’s not the problem.

The problem is that JDate just doesn’t give me anything to go on. Frankly, I find the Relationship questions useless.

Hi. I see you’re looking for someone with whom to go to the movies. I like movies . . . want to go out?

Why, hello – I see you’re looking for a long term relationship. Well, so am I!

Greetings. I see that your perfect first date would be to chat over a cup of coffee. Well, what a coincidence – so is mine!

And the Basics – the About me section isn’t much more help. Usually there’s just not enough there to help me out with a sensible email. Unless someone’s mentioned a common interest or occupation, it’s a struggle to find a good intro.

I wish that JDate had some icebreaker type of questions similar to OKCupid or Match. Even trivial stuff like favorite movies, books or foods – it would give me a little more material.

The problem is that, when I send an email, I like for it to reflect why I’m interested in emailing HIM. If they want to read about me, they can go to my profile. I know that when I receive an email from someone on an online site I like to know why they chose to email me.

Just my two cents’ worth.

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Filed under Online dating

Respond… or else

So far I’ve emailed four JDate men and one responded. Two haven’t opened the emails, which could mean that they (a) have lives and don’t log into JDate every day, (b) don’t pay so they can’t read their emails or (c) they figured out that I sent the emails and they’re not interested in me – no, I’m NOT paranoid.

One of them is also on, so I thought about finding him there and emailing him through Match – maybe he’s a paying member on that site.

I also happened (I swear I’m not stalking, I swear) to see him on the membership roster of a group that I’m in. He used both his first and last names on meetup, so now I know his name (and, wouldn’t you know it, his first name is the same as Mr. Ex’s – how awkward). I also know where he lives from JDate and Match, and I know what kinds of things he’s interested in. Hm. It wouldn’t be hard to find someone, if you wanted to.

Okay, so now I’m channeling my inner Mary Higgins Clark. You know – the mystery writer. I see the ignored online dater stalking her prey… finding out his address… seeking him out at the local theater group in which he’s interested.

cut to dark hallway scene… She stands over the bleeding man. The faint light from the laptop shines in the background… Holding the dripping knife, she says…

“You… should…. have… responded…




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Filed under Made me laugh, Online dating