I responded to Mr. Lives-in-the-city-and-doesn’t-drive that I didn’t see how my saying that I don’t drive into the city during the week judgmental, and wished him well in his search. That’s pretty much online-dating-speak for ‘get lost.’
He sent me an email saying, “Whatever. You have my email address. The ball’s in your court.”
How true. And that’s where it’s staying.
So I’ve been trading emails with someone from JDate. I’m not extending my paid membership beyond the end of this month, so it’s a last ditch effort.
He’s nice on email, seems interesting, educated… the good stuff.
Unfortunately he lives 30 miles away – about 5 blocks from my late mother’s condo. I know that drive well. Very well.
And the bad news is he doesn’t drive.
So… if I’m going to see him, it means that I’m driving into the city to do it.
I sent him an email explaining that the hour drive is too much for me to do during the week. I work until 4 or 5, and to then get in the car and drive an hour is too much. And, of course, there are the dogs… I wasn’t nasty, just honest. I also said that we could see how the weekend would work out.
I got a pretty strongly worded response that he was angry by my judgmental & accusatory email. Seriously. I’m not sure how my response was judgmental and accusatory.
I had my online profile consult with E. last Monday. Her name is really E. – I’m not just using bloggery first initials instead of names here. Anyway, she had some great suggestions. If you’re interested in a consult yourself, you can check out her website. She was terrific to work with and I continue to be grateful to JDate for their terrific customer service and for providing an opportunity for me to have some of E.’s time.
She trimmed my wordiness, to start with. You know, if JDate says that I can have 500 characters – damnit I’m going to use all 500 of them. She suggested that I cut them. Seems men don’t want to read as much as I thought (who would have guessed?).
She also suggested that I get rid of the photos of me with gray hair. I like the photos, but since I’ve started to, um, chemically enhance my hair, she felt it would be confusing to potential dates.
So . . . men don’t like to read and they’re too visual, I guess. Perhaps someone should create a graphic novel (otherwise known as a comic book) version of a dating site. I love it! You could have questions like:
- What kind of superhero would you be?
- Who would your sidekick be?
- Who’s your favorite arch villian?
Sorry . . . I digress.
So I made my changes, including being a little, eh, vague on the “past relationships” question. That was another of E.’s suggestions. She said that she didn’t actually love that JDate has that question and that you shouldn’t put anything in there that sounds negative.
I did love it when she said that some of my remarks made me sound “Bitter. Funny but bitter.”
Hah! Well, at least my personality comes through on my profile . . .
So, anyway, I made my changes and we’ll see if anything comes of it.
I’ve temporarily suspended the JDate challenge because the lovely ladies over at JDate are going to be consulting with me to improve my profile – thought I’d bump it up before continuing on . . .
In the meantime, I did go out for coffee yesterday with a nice man from Yahoo! Personals, and he called today. No major sparks, but he was nice enough – and I would certainly go out with him again.
To be honest, at the moment I’m more interested in redoing my house and trying to figure out myself. I guess I need to date me for while.
My brother has a philosophy about buying lottery tickets. He buys his every week, but he doesn’t check it until the next week. That way, when he loses, he can tell himself that the winner may be in his pocket.
That’s the same as emailing a man a day on JDate. If this one doesn’t respond, there could always be a winner in my pocket . . .
So emailing one JDate man a day isn’t as easy as I thought it was. Obviously, it’s easy to find men – doing a basic search for a man within an 11-year age range within 40 miles of my home turns up 166 names. And that’s kind of a narrow window; obviously, if I expanded my search range I’ll expand my options.
That’s not the problem.
The problem is that JDate just doesn’t give me anything to go on. Frankly, I find the Relationship questions useless.
Hi. I see you’re looking for someone with whom to go to the movies. I like movies . . . want to go out?
Why, hello – I see you’re looking for a long term relationship. Well, so am I!
Greetings. I see that your perfect first date would be to chat over a cup of coffee. Well, what a coincidence – so is mine!
And the Basics – the About me section isn’t much more help. Usually there’s just not enough there to help me out with a sensible email. Unless someone’s mentioned a common interest or occupation, it’s a struggle to find a good intro.
I wish that JDate had some icebreaker type of questions similar to OKCupid or Match. Even trivial stuff like favorite movies, books or foods – it would give me a little more material.
The problem is that, when I send an email, I like for it to reflect why I’m interested in emailing HIM. If they want to read about me, they can go to my profile. I know that when I receive an email from someone on an online site I like to know why they chose to email me.
Just my two cents’ worth.
More thoughts about online dating (I’m sorry – do I look obsessed?) . . .
I’ve decided that the only way to be successful – or, at least, to stay sane while doing it – is to not take it personally. Seriously. I mean, how personal can it be if someone doesn’t email you back based on 667 words that you write about yourself (no, I didn’t count them; I copied them in MS Word, and Word counted them)? What exactly are they rejecting? And could it be any more superficial? Match tells you to put down your favorite color. OMG – what if my perfect match rejects me because I love purple?
And how limiting are the things that you put down? For instance, let’s say I put down that I’m looking for a man who’s 48 – 63. Well, what if Mr. Perfect turned 64 last month? Will he look at that and think to himself, well, just forget it – I’m too old for her?
And now, for another question. Is it a problem for me to be making the first contact? Are men my age old-fashioned and think they have to be the ones to initiate? If that’s the case, I might as well hang it up here.
The pressure. How do you craft the perfect online profile to attract the interest of the perfect man?