Observations upon perusing Match.com this evening…
It’s been about a year since I signed up for JDate and Match and I spent a little time going through Match tonight. So many of the faces are the same as I saw last year, including;
• one man I emailed who responded that he wouldn’y get involved with me because I was too new to the divorced scene
• one man I emailed who never responded, and
• one man I emailed who responded to me that he wasn’t dating right now because his father is ill (and yet, that didn’t seem to stop him from logging in that evening and many times since).
What are they waiting for? Is the problem with online dating the abundance of women on these sites? Are they afraid that someone better will come along?
So emailing one JDate man a day isn’t as easy as I thought it was. Obviously, it’s easy to find men – doing a basic search for a man within an 11-year age range within 40 miles of my home turns up 166 names. And that’s kind of a narrow window; obviously, if I expanded my search range I’ll expand my options.
That’s not the problem.
The problem is that JDate just doesn’t give me anything to go on. Frankly, I find the Relationship questions useless.
Hi. I see you’re looking for someone with whom to go to the movies. I like movies . . . want to go out?
Why, hello – I see you’re looking for a long term relationship. Well, so am I!
Greetings. I see that your perfect first date would be to chat over a cup of coffee. Well, what a coincidence – so is mine!
And the Basics – the About me section isn’t much more help. Usually there’s just not enough there to help me out with a sensible email. Unless someone’s mentioned a common interest or occupation, it’s a struggle to find a good intro.
I wish that JDate had some icebreaker type of questions similar to OKCupid or Match. Even trivial stuff like favorite movies, books or foods – it would give me a little more material.
The problem is that, when I send an email, I like for it to reflect why I’m interested in emailing HIM. If they want to read about me, they can go to my profile. I know that when I receive an email from someone on an online site I like to know why they chose to email me.
Just my two cents’ worth.
More thoughts about online dating (I’m sorry – do I look obsessed?) . . .
I’ve decided that the only way to be successful – or, at least, to stay sane while doing it – is to not take it personally. Seriously. I mean, how personal can it be if someone doesn’t email you back based on 667 words that you write about yourself (no, I didn’t count them; I copied them in MS Word, and Word counted them)? What exactly are they rejecting? And could it be any more superficial? Match tells you to put down your favorite color. OMG – what if my perfect match rejects me because I love purple?
And how limiting are the things that you put down? For instance, let’s say I put down that I’m looking for a man who’s 48 – 63. Well, what if Mr. Perfect turned 64 last month? Will he look at that and think to himself, well, just forget it – I’m too old for her?
And now, for another question. Is it a problem for me to be making the first contact? Are men my age old-fashioned and think they have to be the ones to initiate? If that’s the case, I might as well hang it up here.
The pressure. How do you craft the perfect online profile to attract the interest of the perfect man?
Okay – I’ve emailed my second JDate challenge email.
I figured out what the problem is with JDate, as opposed to the other million online dating services there are. The profiles don’t say anything. Unlike OKCupid, where you have something to respond to; or Match, where at least you can look at what someone’s favorite food or books are. JDate is the online equivalent to seeing someone in a bar and deciding that you’d like to talk to them, based on extremely superficial qualities.
I hope I make it a month.
Some more observations.
I am just not as trusting as I thought I was. I get these winks on Match.com, and I just don’t believe that people are for real. Really not for real. I wish that I could find out if photos have been posted elsewhere on the web; sort of a search engine in reverse.
I don’t feel like I’m really getting what I paid for. Maybe it’s my age, maybe it’s the mentality of online dating. I think the problem is that people are just browsing more than “shopping,” know what I mean? I know that I do it; I look at profiles and think, “well, he would be good,” but I don’t always do anything about it. And when I have I get nothing in return; no winks, no emails.
I’m still not comfortable with how superficial it all is, for the most part. I still would rather meet someone standing in line at Jewel (do you know that I’ve stopped using the self check out for that very reason? Instead of looking at which line is the shortest, I gauge which has the most potential…).
Having said that, I do like two free online dating sites. Now, the problem with free is what the problem with free has always been. There is a certain weeding out that happens when you charge. But the fact that JDate and Match charge doesn’t really help, because all online dating sites have a free component where you can see and be seen. So, when you’re looking at profiles you don’t know if those people are paid members or not anyway. So, when my memberships are up at JDate and Match I think I may drop them, and focus on two sites that I like and that have been pretty good for meeting new people:
Plenty of Fish: The interface isn’t exactly elegant, but I’ve connected with a lot of men. I’m having coffee with one tonight and another one has given me his phone number.
OKCupid: This one is unique, and I like it. I feel like it’s more interesting; the questions are different, and the interface is lovely. If they go “pro” with a nominal monthly membership I may even go for it. I’ve connected with several interesting men in the short time I’ve been on it.
Have a great week!
Should I be upset that a user named “likebiggals” viewed my profile?
Should I be happy that he didn’t wink?
Should I be worried that I’m too fat, even for “likebiggals”?
Stop the madness.
I’m a middle-aged woman who spent 30 years putting others ahead of myself, and my body shows it. Just call me neglected. I really can’t say what I’m looking for in a man because I would have to define it in terms of the things that I hate about my soon-to-be-ex husband, and that would come across as negative. My hair is brown, but I really should have chosen “chemically enhanced” but that wasn’t a possibility. I haven’t dated since Gerald Ford was in office, when you rushed home at the end of the day to see if he called (although I do believe we had answering machines that you check remotely) and there was no Match.com, Twitter, or Facebook. If you met someone online it was while you were waiting to make a withdrawal at the bank, since there was no ATM.
About my date…
Please don’t tell me whether you see the glass as half full or half empty; I would just prefer that the glass make it into the sink as opposed to staying on the family room floor until I pick it up. I don’t really care how good your massages are. Massages I can get at the Red Door; I would prefer that you talk about needs rather than kneading.
And please don’t wink at me if you are (a) 27 years old or (b) out of town. I would prefer to have a relationship with a grownup who’s accessible (as opposed to the man to whom I was married for 30 years).