Tag Archives: Online dating service

Are you kidding?

Just received in an email on a dating site: mmm greatest gift to my eyesight is having my eyes set on you hugs and kiss

Are you kidding? Does that work?

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Snobbery, and a trip to the grocery store

Snobbery

I really never considered myself a snob. Well, much.

Hard reality: yesterday I had coffee with a really nice, highly intelligent man (we met on Brainiacdating.com – seriously). I was enjoying the conversation, even though I suspected that there is no possibility of more than coffee. He has an adult son with autism, and is pretty upfront about being committed to taking care of him.

All was well. Until he mentioned the new Pergo throughout the double-wide.

Done.

The grocery store
– I’m taking myself on a field trip to a grocery store later today. I realize that to you, the general, food-eating public, this is not momentous. People go to grocery stores all the time. Even single people. Even newly-divorced, “I don’t know how to cook for one after cooking for four” people.

I have gone grocery shopping since Mr. Ex moved out. But it’s been more of the “run in, buy yogurt, run out” shopping, unless I was entertaining (which, frankly, I didn’t do much in the last year). What have I been eating? For the most part, particularly since youngest moved out, it’s been quickie meals; roast chicken; take out; eat at oldest’s; happy hour (okay, quite a few of THOSE). Eggs. Bagels. You get my drift, I’m sure.

I realized this week that taking care of myself must include indulging in something that I’ve always enjoyed, which is cooking and baking. The whole onion roll adventure was part of that, and last week’s beef bourguignon and chicken enchilada soup day was another. So, today, I’m taking myself to a NEW grocery store (well, new to me), Perusing without a list. Gasp – buying on impulse. Because I want it.

The problem, of course, is that if I cook it’s too much for one. Perhaps having ComEd come out last week to take away my old full-size freezer was not the best timing. But I may have a solution to that. I found out yesterday that our school secretary and his live-in girlfriend are a little low on cash (how shocking – a colleague of mine not making enough money to live . . . she says with a touch of irony). He already works a second job, but I guess things are still tight. I’m guessing that they may be willing to help me out with the leftovers . . .

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Filed under Cooking for one, Dating, Online dating, Transition

Anger management: update

I responded to Mr. Lives-in-the-city-and-doesn’t-drive that I didn’t see how my saying that I don’t drive into the city during the week judgmental, and wished him well in his search. That’s pretty much online-dating-speak for ‘get lost.’

He sent me an email saying, “Whatever. You have my email address. The ball’s in your court.”

How true. And that’s where it’s staying.

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My online profile consult . . .

I had my online profile consult with E. last Monday. Her name is really E. – I’m not just using bloggery first initials instead of names here. Anyway, she had some great suggestions. If you’re interested in a consult yourself, you can check out her website. She was terrific to work with and I continue to be grateful to JDate for their terrific customer service and for providing an opportunity for me to have some of E.’s time.

She trimmed my wordiness, to start with. You know, if JDate says that I can have 500 characters – damnit I’m going to use all 500 of them. She suggested that I cut them. Seems men don’t want to read as much as I thought (who would have guessed?).

She also suggested that I get rid of the photos of me with gray hair. I like the photos, but since I’ve started to, um, chemically enhance my hair, she felt it would be confusing to potential dates.

So . . . men don’t like to read and they’re too visual, I guess. Perhaps someone should create a graphic novel (otherwise known as a comic book) version of a dating site. I love it! You could have questions like:

  1. What kind of superhero would you be?
  2. Who would your sidekick be?
  3. Who’s your favorite arch villian?

Sorry . . . I digress.

So I made my changes, including being a little, eh, vague on the “past relationships” question. That was another of E.’s suggestions. She said that she didn’t actually love that JDate has that question and that you shouldn’t put anything in there that sounds negative.

I did love it when she said that some of my remarks made me sound “Bitter. Funny but bitter.”

Hah! Well, at least my personality comes through on my profile . . .

So, anyway, I made my changes and we’ll see if anything comes of it.

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Is it me? Is it you? Is it you?

More thoughts about online dating (I’m sorry – do I look obsessed?) . . .

I’ve decided that the only way to be successful – or, at least, to stay sane while doing it – is to not take it personally. Seriously. I mean, how personal can it be if someone doesn’t email you back based on 667 words that you write about yourself (no, I didn’t count them; I copied them in MS Word, and Word counted them)? What exactly are they rejecting? And could it be any more superficial? Match tells you to put down your favorite color. OMG – what if my perfect match rejects me because I love purple?

And how limiting are the things that you put down? For instance, let’s say I put down that I’m looking for a man who’s 48 – 63. Well, what if Mr. Perfect turned 64 last month? Will he look at that and think to himself, well, just forget it – I’m too old for her?

And now, for another question. Is it a problem for me to be making the first contact? Are men my age old-fashioned and think they have to be the ones to initiate? If that’s the case, I might as well hang it up here.

The pressure. How do you craft the perfect online profile to attract the interest of the perfect man?

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JDate challenge, day two

Okay – I’ve emailed my second JDate challenge email.

I figured out what the problem is with JDate, as opposed to the other million online dating services there are. The profiles don’t say anything. Unlike OKCupid, where you have something to respond to; or Match, where at least you can look at what someone’s favorite food or books are. JDate is the online equivalent to seeing someone in a bar and deciding that you’d like to talk to them, based on extremely superficial qualities.

I hope I make it a month.

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JDate; I challenge you…

Facebook | Deborah Stern HarrisI posted this on Tuesday to my Facebook status.

You wouldn’t believe how many comments I received. All from women my age-ish, all negative, all agreeing with me.

Except for the one from my son-in-law, who disagreed with me. I imagine he would, since he met my beautiful daughter on JDate. But they were much younger than I, and I’m convinced that, as beautiful and charming as my daughter is, she would have met someone if she was just standing in our backyard. And to my younger daughter – who will no doubt read this – you would have, too, if you hadn’t met your fiance while playing trombone in the HS band (not even kidding)…

Anyway, I obviously touched a nerve. JDate sucks – if you’re a women over 40.

I joined JDate as a paying member almost three months ago, but I think I created my free account the week Mr. Ex moved out, to prove to myself that men my age still had their own teeth and could put together three cohesive sentences (and, well, some can). Since September,  I’ve had only 116 views of my profile and received 18 flirts/IM messages, most of which were from men who were either (a) far away or (b) way too old or young for me.

I’ve sent 10 emails or flirts, none of which received responses. In fact, only two were opened (which leads me to believe that the vast majority of JDate users – or at least the men in whom I would be interested, aren’t paying customers and therefore can’t open their mail).

WTF? For this I’m paying over $30.00 a month? I could pay for two happy hours with my girlfriends for that, and there’s alcohol included.

On the other hand, I’m on two free sites (I blogged about them here) and I’ve gotten way more action on those. And, yes, from Jewish men.

But, still, I’d like to think that there’s a future for JDate and me. Maybe it’s the fact that we have a family history, maybe it’s because we’re both Jewish, and maybe it’s because I’ve already invested money and 8 months of my time (hmmm. . . sounds like my marriage). Anyway – because I want to give it one last chance, I’m challenging JDate…

Every day for a month, starting today, June 18th, 2009 – I’m going to email one man on JDate. A real email, referring to something I read in his profile, to a man that piques my interest. I’ll track it here and we’ll see what kind of responses I get.

On July 18th we’ll see where this has gotten me. It is not by accident that July 18th will be my 53rd birthday, and the first birthday without Mr. Ex. We’ll see what kind of a birthday present JDate gets me.

C’mon JDate – prove me wrong. I dare ya.

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